I had to! Im sorry!
by way2you
Summary: Katie was so in love with James. Everything felt right for once in her life. One unforgettable day it all changed. Katie had to leave her life behind without telling anyone why or where. When she comes back years later, everything is going to change. EVERYTHING. Now that Katie's secret is out. What will everyone think of her?
1. Chapter 1

(A/N) So I got this idea from a television show I was watching last night and thought 'well I haven't written a story in a while so I'll do this'

-I know I have a story that still isn't finished but I have hit a writer's block on that one, but ill get back to it (eventually).

-I do not own Big Time Rush! Sadly.

-I will be rating this T just be on the safe side. Not really sure what this story may contain in the future. If there is even going to be a future. So we will have to see.

Chapter 1- Back Then

James and I have been together for a little while now. 1 year 4 months and 3 days to be exact, but who's counting. Anyway it hasn't been the easiest, it took quite sometime for the both of us to convince my brother that this was what we both wanted and that there wasn't anything he could do or say. We were going to be together with or with out his approval. Not that I felt I needed his approval but because I respected him, I wanted him to know. Then there was my mother. She really didn't like it at first either but her only reason was because we lived together and our rooms were only feet away from each other. So she had serious ground rules that she had set in place; no sleeping in each others rooms, when we were in a room the door had to be open, and then the obvious, no sex. Well duh Ma, I'm only 17 and he is 20 so as of now, that is illegal.

I have been in love with James since I was about ten. I always thought he was the cutest of the three other boys. He was always nice to me, not that the other guys weren't nice too but he was the nicest. He would try to include me in everything the guys did. And I liked that. I was very close to him, almost as close as I was with my brother. If I had a problem I went to him and if he had a problem he came to me. Then on my seventeenth birthday he came to me and told me exactly how he felt. And I knew I felt the same way. So it was pure bliss from then on. We were so in love with each other it was almost sickening. I thought I was going to be with him for the rest of my life... But that one unforgettable day happened and that's when everything changed. EVERYTHING!

Big Time Rush was on the rise and was getting bigger and bigger by the minute. They had two albums out and were set to go on their first headlining tour. They were doing great and I was beyond proud of all four of them, Their dreams were coming true and everything seems to be falling into place for them. For me, well for me it was always about getting my education and being the little sister of Kendall Knight. That never bothered me, not at all. I was happy for them and honestly, being famous was not my dream. I wanted no parts of that. I was perfectly happy living in the shadows. They knew exactly what they were going to be doing for the better part of there lives and there wasn't anything that anyone was going to do or say that was going to change that. They were living the life and were happy with that. And that's why I had to make the unforgettable decision to pack up everything and leave without a minute's pause and never look back.

~~The day before my life was turned upside down~~

I was sitting on my bed, not feeling that great. These last few days I have been so tired and I can't seem to keep anything down. I went into the bathroom to look for some tums or something to maybe settle my stomach. I opened the doors under the sink and that when I saw the box of tampons. When was my last period? I thought to myself. I ran back to my bedroom, went to my calendar. My period should have started 3 weeks ago! I brought my hand to my mouth. There is no way on Gods green earth that I am pregnant, we were always careful. ALWAYS. This has got be a mistake. I needed to go get a test and I needed to get it fast. I got a taxi to take me to a drug store an hour away so that no one would recognize me. I went back to 2J and went straight to the bathroom. Thank goodness no body was home. I took three tests. After a few minutes I went to them to see the results. "I'm pregnant" I almost screamed that. I had no clue what I was going to do. How was I going to tell James. His career was just now starting to take off. It would not be fair for me to bombard him with this. It would ruin everything. I can't get an abortion though. I could never and would never do that. I have no clue what Im going to do. I hear someone come into the apartment. "Katie! Are you in here?" It was my mother. I ran out of the bathroom and straight into her arms. "Honey, Whats wrong? Are you OK? Are you hurt? Katie talk to me! Your scaring me?" I just cried and cried in her arms when finally I could talk. I told her that I was pregnant and that I didn't want to tell anyone not even James because it would ruin his life and his career would be over and I couldn't do that to him. She tried to convince me that it would not be like that but I knew it would. I then asked her if maybe it would be a good idea if I just left and went back to Minnesota to live Grandma Gene? "Mom it would be ideal. I would not have to tell anyone anything. I can just leave and when they ask where I am you can just say that you don't know and that I just needed to get away. And hopefully James will move on and forget about me." My mom looked at me and said, "Honey I don't think that is a good idea. I think you should just sit down with James and tell him everything. It doesn't have to be like this. And as far as moving on and forgetting about you, it wont happen. You are only going to break that boy's heart into a million pieces. And what about your brother and the other guys. You can't just walk out of their lives. And what about me, I don't want you to go. Honey I think you should sleep on it and think about this before you make any rational decision. OK?" "OK!" I said to her knowing that I wasn't going to think about it. I was leaving LA and was moving in with my grandmother. I was going back to Minnesota.

The next morning when everyone woke up I was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

(A/N) I am so sorry this has taken me forever to post but I have been very busy. School sucks. ;)

I own NOTHING...Sadly!

Chapter 2

I opened my eyes and the very first thing I think about is "Cooper" My sweet baby boy. I love him more than life itself. The very next thing I think about "James". I wonder what he is doing right now. I wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him. Then I get out of bed and go to my sons crib, watch him as he sleeps. Then its off to get ready for the day while he sleeps peacefully in his is how every single day for the last year and a half has started for me. I think back on the day that I left and a part of me feels guilty for leaving not only James but everyone else without an explanation. I just up and left. I didn't tell anyone. I have seen my mother and I talk to her regularly. She says that everyone asks about me and she just tells them that I had to go and that I couldn't deal with the whole LA scene. She told them that I wanted out so I left. I had gotten my number changed so I didn't have any contact with anyone other than my mother. I thought this would be the best way for me. I ask my mother how James is, she tells me that he would never say it but he is pissed that I did something like this. She said for a while he mopped around but eventually he started to get back to his old self. She also told me that she over heard him talking to Carlos and he told him "It obviously wasn't meant to be so I just have to let her go. She didn't love me enough to tell me where she was going let alone that she was even leaving so its time for me to go on with my life." I think my mother thought it was what I wanted to hear which in a way I did but it still hurt like hell to think that he thought these things of me. But its better this way and that's why another part of me thinks I did the right thing. Big Time Rush, like I said they would had gotten a lot bigger, a hell of a lot bigger. Sold out tours in multiple countries, multi-platinum albums and huge endorsement deals. So yes, I do feel like I have made the right choice.

I'm brought out of my day-dream by a distant whimper. I walk into my room, the room Cooper and I share at my grandmothers. I walk over to my 11 month old son standing up holding the edge of his crib. His hazel eyes look very tired still. I reach out to pick him up. "Good Morning, Coopy Coop! Did you sleep well?" He lays his head down on my shoulder. I run my fingers through his thick brown hair. I lay him on the bed and begin to change him. He starts to smile at me, showing his two bottom teeth. What a cute baby, I swear. "Thats better. Momma likes to see a smiley baby not a grumpy one." Laughing I lean over and kiss his chubby cheeks. He looks a lot like James. The only thing he really got from me was the curls in his hair, that's pretty much it and im the one that had to carry him for 9 months.

After getting Cooper ready I take him down stairs for breakfast. "Morning Grandma!" I said to her walking into the kitchen. She looks up from the news paper, yes she still reads the news paper, "Morning Katie," she stands up and walks to me "and good morning to you Cooper baby." She says taking him from me. "Oh honey I made blueberry muffins, they are in the toaster oven, maybe Cooper wants one too." I walk to the toaster and see them I heat up two and walk back to the table. I broke Coopers into pieces placing the pieces on him high chair tray then sat down to eat mine. "Would you like some orange juice or milk?" Grandma asks. "Yes orange juice please." She brings over a cup for me and a sippy cup full of milk for Cooper. Cooper loved the muffin. It's the first time he has ever one. I was nervous about giving him any kind of food other than baby food but the doctor says that along with the baby food he can have some adult food just not too much. He has done well with it though so I have given him a little more.

After breakfast I had to get ready for work. I was working for a bank in the city. It paid well enough. It paid enough that I could move out but I really wasn't ready for that and besides Grandma watches Cooper for me while I work so its convenient to just live with her and she is wonderful to us and I love living with her. It's nice to have someone else around. I really wouldn't want to live alone anyway. I'm a chicken when it comes to that kind of thing. I think my Grandma would be lonely too if I moved out. So I wont be moving out anytime soon. Unless Grandma wanted me too but she has never said anything. My job wasn't too bad. I sat behind a desk and did a lot of loan applications and things like that. I worked from 9 - 5 and was home in time to play with Cooper, have dinner with him and Grandma, give him a bath, play some more and then put him to bed. That night after putting Cooper to bed my Grandmother called me into the kitchen and said that she just wanted to talk to me a bit. She wanted to know how I was really doing with the whole having a baby and not having an extra person to help. I told her that I had help, I had her. That's not what she meant though. I told her that it was OK and that this is what I wanted and this is how I wanted it to stay. I didn't want James to know about Cooper. My grandmother never agreed with that but she never said anything and always respected my wishes but the next sentence to come from her was not a sentence I wanted to hear. "Baby I'm sorry but I got a phone call from your Mom today and Kendal wants to come home and visit, his hometown, his friends, and me." What the hell? Kendal always said that he never wanted to come back here, this was a life he wanted to leave behind. He loved my grandma and missed her a lot but unless she went to LA, he wasn't seeing her. That's how I've been able to avoid him for almost two years. Why in the hell would he suddenly want to come here and visit? Unless...Oh God he knows I'm here. "When is he coming?" I asked her. "Not sure, your mom is supposed to call me and let me know when he makes the plans" she paused looking down at her cup of tea "what are you going to do Kate, you're not gonna run are ya?" I shook my head and felt tears in my eyes. This was it, just like that, everything is going to come out. Everyone will know everything. Unless I can talk Kendal into not telling anyone. "No Grandama! I'm not. Im just gonna have to face him I guess. What else can I do" I got up out of the chair and walked around the table and kissed her on the cheek. "Night Grandma. I love you." "Night baby girl, love you too"

I got to my room and changed into my PJs then walked to Coopers crib. He was sleeping so peacefully. I touched the top of his head. "Im sorry baby, but I think everything is about to change." I kissed his cheek and went to my bed. Needless to say I didn't sleep at all.

(A/N) I know it was kind of a rambler but I had to give some information in this chapter. I will have the next chapter up this week though, I promise. I hope everyone likes it. I know exactly where this story is going so it should be easy from here on out. The next chapter will be when He comes to visit...Cant wait! R&R Please!


	3. Chapter 3

(A/N) I'm so sorry, I know I promised this next chapter would be up sooner than I'm getting it up but School has seriously been kicking my butt.

Thank you for the R&R's. They are greatly appreciated. Keep'em Coming.

I don't own anything other than the story line.

Chapter 3

Its been a few days since my Grandmother told me about Kendall's plans to come "visit" and I haven't talked to my mother either. I'm hoping that if I ignore it, it wont happen. What are the chances? I am so not ready to face him and not just because of Cooper but because I just up and left and I don't want to deal with that now. My life has been great for the last year and a half. Cooper and I have been getting along just fine with Grandma. I liked living in my own little bubble with my son and Grandma.

I know I worry way too much and I could really be making a bigger deal out of this then probably need be. Kendall could come here and I could explain everything to him, ask him to keep quiet and everything would be just fine. Probably not though, wishful thinking I guess. But still, how bad can it be? Well he could always go back and tell James "Oh the visit with Grandma was great, Katie was there and oh by the way do you know you have a son and that's why she left, because she was pregnant." Yeah that would be the worst thing that could happen.

Ugh. Enough with this, I have to get out of bed and get myself and Cooper ready for the day. Thank God its Saturday and I don't have to work. I'm spending the entire day with Cooper, just him and I.

Later that day while at the park with the baby my phone was ringing in my bag that was over on the bench. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, I just wanted to spend some time with my son, no interruptions. A few seconds after my phone stopped ringing I heard the notification sound go off. Voice mail. Then a few seconds after that my phone started to ring again, I let it go. Then another voice mail. OK I better check it. I listened to the voice mails, they were from my mom. "Hi honey, its me, your mother. Not sure if your Grandmother told you but your brother has planned to come and visit. Not really sure if he knows your there but he just came up with this out of no where. Well he will be there tomorrow morning. I will be with him. Call me. Love you." Shit. Really? Now? Tomorrow? Then I listened to the next one. "Baby, its me again. I'm really worried about you. Ya know with your brother coming tomorrow. I want to talk to you. I hope you will be there instead of running off while he is there. Give me a call when you can Please. I love you." Really mom, even if I ran off he would see all the baby stuff at Grandma's. What would he think? Oh my gosh, what am I going to do.

After the park I took Cooper home. It was time for a nap. And I don't mean just him, I needed one too. I put him to sleep then went to lay on the couch. My Grandmother was back from her weekly lunch in with her girlfriends. "I got a call from my mom today, Kendall will be here in the morning, her too." I said to her as she came to sit in the chair across from the couch where I was sitting. "Yeah she called me, asked if I knew where you where." She answered. "Well it should be interesting." She looked over to me with eyes full of sympathy. "Katie, I think this may be a good thing. Maybe its time he finds out about Cooper." I wasn't really sure if she meant Kendall or James but I didn't question it I just nodded my head. I laid there before sleep sucked me in.

I woke a short time later. I went on with my nightly routine then went to bed. I laid there for quite some time staring at the ceiling wondering what tomorrow was going to be like. I tossed and turned for hours. Gosh, why did I take a nap earlier? The next thing I knew I was awaken by the sound of a text message coming to my phone. It was my mom "We just landed, be there in about an hour." I immediately began to feel nauseous but I ignored it and got out of bed. I got dressed and ready then I got Cooper ready.

That hour passed a little to quickly for my liking and before I knew it my mom and Kendall were pulling up in the drive-way. I looked down to the baby in my arms "Ready to meet your Uncle Kendall?" He just smiled back at me. My heart was pounding in my chest, I felt like I was going to get sick. "Grandma, your favorite grandson is here." My Grandma went to the front door to welcome Kendall and my mom. I was rooted to the very spot in the kitchen. I couldn't move. I heard my Grandmother respond "Your my only grandson". "I know." Kendall couldn't see me yet but he would in three...two..."Katie?!" He looked like he wasn't really surprised to see me but he may have surprised by the baby I was holding. "Hey Kendall!" He walked over to me and wrapped me in a hug. " I knew you were here." I didn't say anything I just hugged him tighter. Gosh I missed him. Tears started to form in my eyes. He pulled away and looked at Cooper, "He's yours, isn't he?" I just nodded my head. Kendall's face was expressionless. I couldn't tell what he as thinking. "Yeah, I could tell. How old is he?" "11 months" "Is this why you left?" I nodded my head and started to feel the tears actually fall down my face. Kendall wrapped me in another hug then said "I want to know every little detail there is to know about this whole situation but first let hold my nephew who I didn't know I had. Whats his name?" "Cooper!" "Cooper what?" "Cooper Allen Diamond...Allen after Grandpa." Grandma smiled at that. He died when I was 15. Kendall nodded his head "Diamond. I figured. We will talk about all this later" He took Cooper from me. "Hi Cooper, I'm your Uncle Kendall."

I put Cooper down for a nap and by the time I came back down stairs my mom, my grandma and Kendall were all sitting at the table in the kitchen. I walked over to get a cup of tea. They were talking about the flight and how early they had to get up. I then sat down before my brother spoke "OK Katie, lets hear it." His attitude changed a bit. He seemed annoyed now, a little hurt. Then I started...

(A/N)- To say how sorry I am I will be posting another chapter...now! :) Hope you guys are really enjoying the story. It been fun to write.


	4. Chapter 4

(A/N)- As I promised...here is chapter 4.

Own Nothing.

Chapter 4

I told Kendall everything. Everything from being so in love with James that I could hardly control myself to how I found out I was pregnant to deciding to leave. I told him that it hurt like hell to just leave without even saying goodbye. He asked "Why didn't you tell me Katie?" "Because you would have talked me into staying and I knew I couldn't do that. I had to go." " Damn right. I would have made you stay, I would have given you no choice." "Exactly, that's why I never said anything to anyone other than mom." Kendall looked to my mom "I can't believe you kept this a secret for so long. Especially since you knew how much we missed her. For shit sakes, James was a total mess for months" My mom didn't say anything but me I was ready to cry my eyes out knowing that "James was a mess for months". I asked Kendal how James was. "He is better now. He has gotten over the fact that you left but does he still miss you? Like hell. He would never say it but we all know." My mom nodded. I wanted to cry even more now. Then Kendall said something that made my little world stop spinning. "Wait till he find out he has a child." My eyes shot to his "No Kendall. You can not tell him!" "Katie, he has to know!" "No Kendall. I don't want him to know." Kendall leaned back in his chair, ran his fingers through his hair and let out a long breath "How am I supposed to go back to LA and stare him in the face knowing he has a son here in Minnesota? Huh Katie? How? He is my best friend. I can't lie to his face like that." "Don't tell him anything." "Before I left I told the guys that I thought you may be here and that one of the reasons I was coming here was to find out. What do I say when they ask me if you were or not?" "Tell them I wasn't here" "Katie I cant lie to them, they are like brothers." "AND IM YOUR DAMN SISTER KENDALL. Blood. We are Blood Kendall. That goes deeper then 3 boys who you are in a band with." "Yes but those three boys have ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME. UNLIKE YOU WHO FUCKING LEFT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A GOODBYE, YEAH THOSE BOYS" then he stood, slamming the chair into the counter behind him. Before leaving the kitchen he turned to me and said "You tell him soon or I will." Then he walked out slamming the front door behind him. My Grandma stood. "Ill Go after him."

I looked at my mom. "Gosh why in the hell did he have to fucking come here? I was totally fine living my life the way it was. What the hell?" My mom didn't say anything. She just grabbed my hand and held it for a few minutes. "I need to go check on Cooper." When I got to the room I opened the door slowly. It wasn't time for him to get up from his nap but I was afraid that Kendall's little out burst may have woken him up. I walked to his crib and just looked at him and that when I began to cry. I didn't want anything to change. But as soon as James finds out about him it will all change. I don't want James to have to change his life around because of Cooper. I don't want Cooper to be a burden on James. I want Kendall to just keep his big ass mouth shut. That's not going to happen though. If I don't tell James he will. I stood there for a few minutes before I heard the front door open and shut. I walked back down stairs. Kendall was back. My grandmother asked my mom if she wanted to join her out back so Kendal and I could have a minute alone. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be alone with him seeing as how he was so mad and all. "Look Katie, I am sorry for yelling at you like that. I should't have went off. It's just I'm really hurt and upset but happy at the same time. Its a lot to take in." He paused and before I could respond he started again. "When I woke up that morning and Mom came down and told me that you had left, the first thing I thought was 'why? Why would she leave without saying goodbye? How could she leave me?' Then the next thought made me almost nauseous 'James! Does he know? If he doesn't its going to kill him!' Katie the first few weeks after you left, we were all like zombies, even mom. James wouldn't really talk to anyone. He did what he had to for the band but other than that he didn't really do much. The way he would just walk around with his head down was enough to break your heart." I started to cry "I'm so sorry Kendall! I never wanted to hurt any of you. I just thought I was doing the right thing. Big Time Rush was taking off. You guys had life by the balls. What was going to happen if I would have told you guys. Would you be where you are today? No you wouldn't have. James would have wanted to put everything on hold and I couldn't let that happen." "But we would have done that willingly. We all would have been OK with that." "I wouldn't have." "But is it fair to have someone's child and not even tell them about it. Think about it Katie, what if this doesn't come out now, what if it comes out when Cooper is 10, 11? James will hate you. He has already missed 11 months of that child's life. It's just not fair Katie. He has got to know." "Kendall, I can't." "Yes you can Katie. You can do it. If you don't want to do it alone I will stand behind you the whole way but don't ask me to go back there with this on my shoulders. It isn't fair to me either." I was now sobbing "Kendall I don't know how to do it, it's already been this long. Im afraid he will hate me anyway, I made a mistake!" Kendall grabbed me and held me tightly in a hug. "I got you Baby Sister, I got you!" After what seemed like eternity I lifted my head from Kendall's shoulder and looked him in the eyes. "I'll tell him." "Good because that baby is the most beautiful little boy I think I have ever seen and I can't wait to shout from the rooftops that handsome little boy is my nephew and I can't quite do that until James knows about him." I giggled along with Kendall. "Just give me a few days to get myself ready. OK?" "Yup!" Kendall wrapped me in another hug "I love you baby sister" "I love you too big brother." As we pulled apart we could hear Cooper "MaMa MaMa" I went to stand to go get him when Kendall stopped me, "Let me get him." Before Kendall reached the stairs I asked "Is James number the same as it was before?" He smiled, "Yeah" and then he disappeared up the steps. I pulled out my phone and went to my text messages, 'new text' I put in James' number and then started my text: _Hey, its Katie. I know your thinking what the hell and you probably don't want anything to do with me but Kendall found me at my grandmothers, which I know he told you guys that he thought I was here. Anyway there is a lot that we should talk about. How sorry I am for starters...Hope to talk to you soon! _

_(Hope you like. R&R PLEASE!)_


	5. Chapter 5

(a/n) So I had a free night so I've decided that I would put up a chapter...or maybe two. Depending on how I feel after this one. I hope you guys enjoy.

I have chosen to do a chapter in James point of view because I feel that it is important we know how he feels.

Chapter 5

(James POV)

It has been a year and a half since Katie left. Not a word from her. She hasn't talked to her brother or any of the other guys either, as far as I know. I know she talks to her mom and I ask Momma Knight how she is and she just simply says "James, honey, shes fine. I promise."

The morning after she left I went to her room to see if she was awake, I knocked and there wasnt an answer. I opened the door slowly just incase she was changing or something. When I opened the door all the way my heart went to my throat, I thought I was going to be sick. Everything was gone. She was gone. I started to panic, what if she had been kidnapped and was laying in a ditch somewhere. What if she was in some kind of trouble and had to leave suddenly. I ran back out to the kitchen, "Momma Knight, Katie's gone!" She looked to me with sad eyes. "I know. She left last night." She then began to tell us that Katie was tired of living in LA and decided to leave. She said Katie didn't tell her where she was going and that she didn't want any phone calls, for us to just let her go. She said she knew Katie was safe. It felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest. The one person who knew better than anyone else, inside and out was gone. I ran to my room and got to my phone. I don't care if she wants phone calls or not. I need to talk to her. I dial her number, it went straight to voicemail. "Katie, I'm not sure whats going on but please call me. I need to talk to you. I love you!" I hung up and went to sit on my bed. What the hell could be so bad about this city that she would just leave without telling anyone.

Later that day I left my room to go talk to the guys. I asked Kendall if he knew where Katie was. She told Kendall almost everything so maybe he would know. He told me he was just as surprised as I was and he had no clue. Logan and Carlos didn't know either. "James, she will come back. Shes gonna realize that her life is here now. I'm here, my mom is here, Carlos and Logan are here and more importantly you're here, man. We just need to give her time. Maybe she has something going on that she needs to deal with on her own." Kendall finished and I didn't say anything. Something didn't feel right. This was different. This is bigger then any of us. I just wish she would at least text me and say she's ok. That all I want to know. No that's not true, I want to know where she was so I could go get her or I could go talk to her.

A few days had passed and I had called Katie at least a dozen times. She never picked up. What was she doing what is going on. Gosh I wish she would answer. I love that girl with my whole heart. She is my whole heart. I am not complete without her. I'm not sure how to be myself without her. What do I do without her. What if she doesn't come back? What if what Kendall said is wrong? What if this is permanent. How do I move on? I feel tears now fall down my face. I pick up my phone to call her again. Straight to voice mail again, "Katie look I'm not sure what is going on or why you left but I need you to call me back. I need YOU. Please don't do this to me, Please. I love you so much it hurts. Please Katie I'm begging you. PLEASE." I hung up and felt myself fall to the floor and start to cry hard, really hard. I needed her.

A few more days had passed, I had called Katie a few more times but I didn't leave anymore voice mails. It went to voice mail every time. The last time I called was yesterday and when I heard the operator say "This number is no longer in service." My heart stopped. I knew that was it. She was gone and she was gone forever.

I spent some time in my room shutting the world out. I needed sometime to myself. Time to deal with this. My life had just changed drastically. After a couple of days I would leave but only to do BTR stuff. Thing I had to do but other than that I spent most of the day in my room. It was a hard time for me. I eventually came to reality and figured 'You know whar, obviously our relationship wasnt what I thought it was. She didn't love me like I thought she had. Its time for me to stop all this and get back to my life. She has more than likely gotten over it so why shouldnt I.' Everything for me has been ok since, I mean I think about her everyday of course. Even if she may have not loved me I still loved her. But things were about to change.

Before Kendall left to go visit his Grandmother back in Minnesota he told us that he thought maybe Katie was there. My heart was about to pop out of my chest. What? At her Grandmothers? He also said that he thought maybe his mom knew where Katie was and that she may have known all along. I didn't think so because Momma Knight would have told us. Wouldnt she? When he left I tried not to think too much about it. I didn't want to get my hopes up. I also didn't want to think too much into it because if she moved without wanting any of us to know where she was then maybe she wanted to keep it that way. It wasnt like I was going to be on a plan to Minnesota to see her and besides a part of me was very mad and hurt by what she did. She hurt me so bad and I'm not sure I would ever be able to forgive her for that.

I was working on music for our next album when I got a new text from a random number. I opened the text message:_Hey, its Katie. I know your thinking what the hell and you probably don't want anything to do with me but Kendall found me at my grandmothers, which I know he told you guys that he thought I was here. Anyway there is a lot that we should talk about. How sorry I am for starters...Hope to talk to you soon! _What the hell was my first thought. For real. 'There is a lot we should talk about'? After all this time she want to talk now? Really? I really don't want to hear her reasoning anymore. I don't want to know why. I don't want anything to do with her. Wow! It's amazing how that happens, the shoe is now on the other foot. It was me who wanted to talk to her so bad and she wouldn't respond and now here we are, she wants to talk to me and I want nothing to do with her. I put my phone down without responding to her text. I continued to write.

(a/n) EEEEP! I really hope you guys liked it. I'm so sorry! It was a rambler but its important we know how James has dealt with this. R&R PLEASE!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

(Back to Katie's POV)

It has been three whole days since I had text James and there hasn't been a single answer, nothing. I double checked with Kendall to make sure the number was right. "I think he hates me and doesn't want to talk to me, that's why he isn't answering me." I told Kendall while feeding Cooper. "Well Katie can you blame him?" I just looked at him with a 'what the hell' stare. "Think about it Katie, put your self in his shoes. You left in the middle of the night without a single word to anyone, well other than Mom. You never wrote, text, called or even emailed. You like, fell off the face of the earth. Imagine how he felt. Then out of nowhere you text him. So yeah, he probably is pissed. He probably has been for a while." I wanted to cry. I knew I had hurt him and he was probably still hurting. "Yeah if I think he is mad at me now, wait until he finds out about him" I said to him nodding toward Cooper "he's really gonna hate me then." "I think he may for a little while and then he's gonna realize that he has a son and that he has to get along with you for Coopers sake and then everything will eventually blow over." Kendall responded. "I guess" was all I said.

Kendall was leaving in the morning with my mom. He was going back to LA. He hadn't heard from James either. He tried to call him the day after I sent the text but he never answered. I was anxious to see what he was going to say to Kendall when he got back. I told Kendall not to say anything to him about any of this. I would talk to him as soon as he answers me. He would know everything and I wanted to be the one to tell him not Kendall. Kendall agreed and then my mom and him were on their way.

I wasn't going to call or text Kendall asking any questions. If anything had happened or was said he would call me. I wasn't sure if Kendall was even going to say anything about me either. Maybe he hadn't and was just waiting for James to say something and they were both just acting like it never happened. A week after Kendall left I had gotten a phone call from him. "How is my nephew?" "He is wonderful! How are you?" "I'm good, tired, long day in the studio today." "Awe, I love hearing that. Ya know about your music. I've missed it." "Yeah. I'm glad everything has turned out the way it has." I tired, I really did. I didn't want to ask but before I could stop myself it came out "Have you talked to James at all about me." There was a long pause and then he just started to talk really fast and spilled everything. "I asked him if he got your message. He said he did and then didn't say anything else about it. I asked him if he had any intension of calling you or texting you back. He said no and that there wasnt anything to talk about, you left and that's that. He said he has nothing to say to you. I told him that it was really important that he talk to you and he said if it was so important then why did she wait this long. I told him because what you were going through was really scary but he really needed to call you now and he kinda screamed no, he had nothing to say to you and you shouldnt have anything to say to him. He said you can continue to live your life in hiding and you can just leave him alone." After he was finally finished I noticed I had tears streaming down my face. Gosh i hurt him so bad. I started to sob. "Baby sister, Im sorry, But you knew this was going to happen, you knew this was going to be how he was going to react. Right?" "Yes but it still hurts to hear." "What are you going to do?" "I don't know. Maybe he's right. Maybe I need to just keep living my life in hiding. Stay here and he will never have to know about Cooper. If it ever gets out at least I can say I tried." "No Katie you have to tell him." "Kendall how would you like me to do that. He wont talk to me let alone see me. What am gonna do, send it in a text message? 'Hey I know you hate me and want nothing to do with me but uh you have a son who will be a year old in three weeks.' Um no thanks." "You could always just show up." "God no Kendall. Really? No." "Why not?" "Because I don't want to." "Why? This is your chance Katie. You have to tell him. He has to know. I can't keep this from him. Please Katie, Please dont make me do that. Please." "Kendall..." "Katie please." "I'll think about it." "Please." "I said Ill think about it."

That night I laid in bed with my mind racing. Could I really just show up there, at his front door with Cooper? What would I say when he saw me? What would he think? I can't do it. I cant. I rolled over on my side looking at Coopers crib only a few feet from my bed. His little face was pointed in my direction. God he looks so much like James its scary. That's another thing, if I just show up, would he know right away that Cooper was his? I mean everyone says he looks just like him. Well everyone who knows. I roll to my back again staring at the ceiling. If I don't go there Kendall is just going to tell him and then that will make things that much worse and shit will hit the fan. I don't want that but then again I CANT JUST SHOW UP THERE. Ugh! What am I going to do? I was to restless to sleep so I padded downstairs to get some water. Maybe that will help. When I got to the kitchen my grandmother was sitting at the table. "Cant sleep huh?" She asked as I made my way to the sink. I just shook my head as I filled the glass and took a large sip of the water. "Wanna talk about it?" She asked. I sat in the chair across from her. "James wont answer my text. He hates me I'm sure. Kendall said when he got back to LA James told him that he got my text but he wants nothing to do with me because I left him a long time ago and I need to just stay in hiding and go on with my life. I would be totally fine with that but there is one small problem, Kendall. He wont let it happen. He says he refuses to face James every day knowing that he has a child. He says it lying to his best friend and he wont do it. He said so if I don't tell him myself he will." I sat there staring at the glass between my two hands waiting for her to respond. Then she spoke "Look baby, I know you feel like in a way your life has been turned upside down but there is a reason for everything. I have told from day one how I feel about this whole 'hiding' thing but that aside you know what right and whats wrong." I looked to her and said "The only way to do it myself is to show up in LA with Cooper and tell him myself." "Well maybe that's what you have to do." "I looked at her "I think your right!"


	7. Chapter 7

(A/N) OK first I want to say I am so sorry for the delay on the last chapter but I had it written other than a few things here and there and then something happened with FF and I couldn't upload the chapter. But Obviously I finally figures it out. Also I want to apologize for the grammar/spelling errors in the last chapter. I write the chapters and then when I go to publish them I re-read and check for errors but because FF was acting weird I was in a hurry to get it out. So I hope it still made sense ;) Thank you to everyone again for taking interest in my story.

Katie's going to LA...?

Chapter 7

I was packing and trying not to talk myself out of this at the same time. Cooper was sitting next to the suit cases on the bed while I packed. "Coop, this is going to be one crazy adventure for the both of us OK. Things might get a little crazy but you and I will face it together. Mommy's got you baby boy. We are going to see your father tomorrow and who knows how its going to go but just know, Mommy loves you, OK?" He just giggled and continued to try to reach the thing I was putting into the suit cases.

After an hour and half of packing, Cooper and I went down to the kitchen to get lunch when my cell phone rang in my pocket. "Hey big brother! How are ya?" I said as I answered. "Good. How are you? You ready to come to LA?" My stomach turned as soon as the words came out of his mouth. "As ready as I'll ever be I guess. Does he know I'm coming?" "James? No, no clue. But that's what you wanted right? You don't want him to know?" "Kendal I don't want to come there at all." "Katie listen to me OK, things will be just fine. I promise. Yes, at first he will be shocked and then he's gonna be mad and then he's gonna have questions and then he will probably be mad again. But I think what you are doing is the right thing. Cooper is going to be a year old in what, a week?" "Yeah." "OK so James has missed a year of his life, the first year but it's not too late. He can and will be involved in his life from now on. He deserves that." "I know Kendall I know. I am coming but it doesn't mean I'm not shitting myself over here. I'm beyond nervous." "I know baby sister but it will all be worth it in the end. I promise. Now you go get you and that beautiful little boy ready to come see uncle Kendall. I miss him already." Hearing that made me smile. "Yeah I have to feed him and then back to packing it is. I'll see you at the airport bright and early." "Love you!" "I love you too!"

"Oh Coopy Coop Mommy's not ready for this." I said as I give him a spoon full of his smashed squash. "But we have too. I have to tell him." I have pictures of James and I show them to Cooper and tell him that it's his daddy and he just points to them and says "Daddy?" So I wonder if when Cooper sees him if he will recognize him. I doubt it but who knows how baby brains work.

The next morning came way too fast. I didn't sleep a wink. I tossed and turned and my head was going a million miles an hour. I got myself out of bed and got myself ready before I woke Cooper. After we were both awake and ready Grandma was waiting for us to take us to the airport. I loaded our stuff and we set off to the airport. I hoped Cooper was going to be OK on the flight. He has never flown before and its a three-hour and twenty-minute flight so who knows how he's going to be. Lets just hope for the best. We said goodbye to my grandmother when she grabbed me by both side of my face and said, "Katie Honey I know you are scared to death and you have every right to be but it will all be OK. I promise. You will be fine. You have your mom and your brother there. You wont be alone. OK?" I felt tears well up in my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. "I know Grandma." I hugged her and told her I would be back soon and Cooper and I were off.

Cooper was great on the plane, he slept almost the whole time. Thank God. When we went to baggage claim my mother and my brother were standing there waiting for us. Kendall ran to us, "Hi Coop, I missed you buddy." He hugged him as tight as he could without hurting him then he looked to me. "Im so glad your here baby sister." Then he hugged me. My mom finally caught up to Kendall and hugged us then told Kendall he had to hand over the baby because he had to help me with our bags which i know was only so she could get Cooper from him. We made it to Kendall and my mom's house. About a year ago the guys and my mom decided that it was time to leave The Palm woods and get their own places. Kendall said that James, Carlos and Logan all have separate houses while my mom and him live together.

I got Cooper and I settled in while Kendall had Cooper downstairs. I went down when I was done. Kendall and my mom were sitting in the living room. "So, have you thought about how you're gonna tell James?" Kendall asked while playing with the baby on the floor. "Can I just relax for a minute before we start on that. I was just on a plane for three and a half hours with a baby." "You said Cooper slept the whole time so it couldn't have been that bad." My mother responded matter of factly. I groaned, "No, well I mean I have thought about how he is going to react but not how I'm going to tell him." "Are you going to take Cooper with you? You know when you go over there?" Kendall asked. "I was thinking maybe you could have him come here. I don't want to do this alone." I answered. "Katie I think this is something you and James need to talk about alone and not with an audience." My mom said putting her arm around me. Kendall then spoke "Yeah Katie, it's not like we will be far. James lives on the next street and he is home because I just talked to him." I'm not ready to do this but you know what I have to do it now or never. "Can I walk there or should I take a car?" I asked looking from my mom to Kendall and then back to my mother, "I have to do this now or I will never do it." "I'd take a car. I'll give you the house number." Kendall said getting up to get his keys. I looked to my mother. I honestly thought I was going to throw up. "Im not taking him." I said pointing to Cooper. "OK baby, we'll watch him.

It only took about four minutes to get there. I pulled up to his house. It looked a lot like Kendall and my moms house. It was nice, very homey. "Ugh, well here it goes." I got out of the car and walked slowly to the front door. As I knocked on the door I realized I was shaking like a leaf. "Calm yourself Katie, calm yourself." I knocked again when I heard him from the other side of the door, "I'm coming, gee." He swung open the door. "Katie!?" "Hi James." "What are you doing here?" "Can I come in." "Sure, yeah." He moved to the side to let me in. "Nice place." I said looking around, "Better the the Palm woods, I guess." "Katie what are you doing here?" "We have to talk." My heart was beating a million miles an hour. I was afraid he was going to be able to see it. "Katie, I'm sorry but there isn't anything to talk about. NOTHING." "James please just hear me out please." "Katie we have nothing to say to each other." "I have something I really have to tell you. It's about why I left." "Katie I don't care anymore. I stopped caring a long time ago. You left, you left me hanging high and dry without even a 'Hey screw you, I'm out." He was hurt and I knew he was but to SEE it was another thing. I felt the tears burn the back of my eyes. "James No I have to tell you. I really need to tell you this." "God Katie what are you doing here? It has taken me a long time to get over this whole thing and you. Why would you come back here and turn it all inside out." "You really don't want to know why I left not even a small part of you? Huh?" He didn't respond to my question. "ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION JAMES." "FINE YES I WANT TO KNOW KATIE. I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU RIPPED MY HEART OUT OF MY CHEST AND JUST CRUMBLED IT TO PIECES. YES PLEASE TELL ME." He screamed to me with tear filled eyes that threatened to fall down his face. "Because I was pregnant, because I was having your baby." It was like someone had knocked him flat on his ass, like the wind had been knocked out of him. "What?" He said so low I almost didn't hear him. "Yeah I didn't want you to have to deal with it. With everything you had going on I figured it was what was best for you so I left." I began to sob, "Im so sorry James I really am." He still had a sad look on his face mixed with shock and anger. "Your sorry? Your sorry? ARE YOU SERIOUS KATIE?" I flinched as that last part came out of his mouth. "Yes James Im sorry. I thought at the time that was what was best for you. I thought that it was the right thing to do." "Get out." He said looking me straight in the eyes. "James please..." "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" I turned and walked out the door. As soon as I heard the door slam behind me I began to hysterically cry. What the hell was I thinking. I should have never came here.

I made my way back to the house and slammed the door behind me and ran up the steps. I heard my mother yell from the other room "Katie? Honey?..." I went to the room Cooper and I would have stayed in but I was not staying here I was getting me and My son the hell out of this place. We would be on the next flight home and I was never coming back. EVER. "Katie? Are you in there? Is everything OK?" It was my mother. I didn't say anything. She knocked again and then walked in. She saw I was crying and then saw that I was packing. "Your leaving?" I nodded. "Katie what happened?" I froze and then turned to her. " I told him and he told me to get out of his house. Mom, he wants nothing to do with him." "Oh honey I'm sure that's not the truth. You just hit him with the biggest shock of his life." "No mom he doesn't want anything to do with him." I started to cry harder, "he didn't even ask me what his name was." "Katie, you need to give him a minute to possess all of this." " Mom I just want to go home." "OK look stay here tonight and then you can go tomorrow. Just stay with us tonight." I nodded my head and turned to her grabbed her into a hug and cried harder than I think i have ever cried in my hwole life. Then the door bell rang, and a few seconds later I heard Kendall "Katie can you come here a minute?" I let go of my mother and wiped my eyes and made my was downstairs and when I rounded the corner to the door I noticed James standing in the door way. "Can we talk?" I didn't say anything, instead I wondered where Cooper was. He must be napping because I couldn't hear him. "Yeah, let me grab my jacket."

(A/N) This is my way of making it up to all of you...hope you like it.


	8. Chapter 8

(A/N) I have the time now so I figured that I would do another chapter for you guys. I really hope I'm not disappointing any of you. :/ But I'm having tons of fun writing this. Well let me get started.

Chapter 8

I went to get my jacket from the kitchen, it's a little chilly for LA. That's when I noticed Cooper sleeping on the couch with pillows around him so he wouldn't fall. I walked back to the door where James was. He was now in the foyer waiting for me. I walked past him and through the open front door. He followed, I could hear his heavy footsteps behind me. "Katie I'm sorry I yelled at you but this is crazy..." I cut him off. "I know James but you have to understand why I did this." We were walking aimlessly down a street I didn't know. I didn't want to look at him so I looked straight ahead. "Hold up. You left in the middle of the night, pregnant with my kid and you think I should understand that." "I did it for you..." "No, don't say that. Don't. You should have told me. That would have been the right thing to do. Not run in the middle of the night. I had a right to know." "I know you had a right to know. I think about it now and a part of me thinks that maybe I should not have left but a bigger part of me still thinks I did the right thing. You guys were on the rise. You were getting bigger, you were going on tours. Big Time Rush was becoming what you four always wanted it to be. I didn't want to jeopardize any of that. I wanted you to have the life you deserved, the life you worked so hard for. So I felt that the right thing to do was to just leave and hide it from all of you." "For how long Katie? How long were you going to keep this secret? If Kendall would have never found you, would you even be standing here now? Would you have ever told me about MY kid? Huh?" "Honestly I don't know. I think maybe eventually I would have thought about it but the longer I waited the harder it would have been. But the point is I'm here now telling you about him." He stopped dead in his tracks which caused me to stop. "Him?" "Yes, HIM, Cooper." "How old is he?" He has yet to look at me or even move. "He will be a year old in a week." I turned and began to walk again, he followed. "OK Katie I want to know everything. from when you left to when Kendall found you." I told him everything. When I found out I was pregnant. When I told my mom. When I left. When I had him. "I was two weeks past my due date, I was laying in bed when I felt like I had peed myself. I told my grandma and she took me to the hospital. I was in labor for 17 hours. He was born June 1st 2012. He weighed 7 lbs 4 oz and he was 21 inches long. He had a head full of dark brown hair and his eyes were deep blue but most babies eyes are when they are born. They eventually changed to hazel..." I looked to him "...like yours." He still hasn't looked at me. I kept walking and then I went on to tell him about Kendall finding me and how Kendall told me I had to tell him or he was going to because he couldn't lie to his friend like that. "So again, had Kendall not found you I would never have known about my son?" He said. "I don't know James. It's hard to tell. Like I said a huge part of me wanted you to know. It wasn't because I was being selfish or anything, it wasn't like I was trying to be vindictive. I was just looking out for you. Honestly." "Its just hard to wrap my head around this Katie. I was so heart-broken when you left I didn't think I was going to ever be myself again. I didn't know what the hell was going on with you. I had not a clue. This is far beyond what I had imagined." He paused then looked at me for the first time since we started walking, "You should have told me." "And what would have happened James? Huh? Would you have gone on with the tour anyway and left me and the baby behind? Would you have put your dreams on hold because of the baby?" "We would have figured it out but you didn't even give me that option. You took it upon your self and handled it all on your own. You didn't even give me a chance." "Because I knew what would have happened. You would have stayed behind and that would have messed everything up. You would have put your life and your dreams on hold. That would not have been fair to my brother, Logan and Carlos. They worked just as hard as you did to get where you guys were at the time and I wasn't about to be the reason all that was turned upside down." "KATIE, THIS WASNT JUST ABOUT YOU. THAT IS MY BABY TOO." "Im sorry, what do you want me to do? There is nothing I can do about it now other than ask you to forgive me and be apart of your son's life." "First of all I WILL be apart of his life, second I don't think I will ever forgive you for this." OK. I guess I could have seen that coming a mile away. How could he forgive me? He was hurt by this whole thing and I did it but one day he has to see the reason I did this and I didn't do it to intentionally hurt him. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. Then he spoke. "Can I meet him?" "Of course, he might still be napping though." "Ill wait." "OK" We turned around and headed for the house. We didn't say a word to each other.

We walked into the house and I didn't hear any commotion or anything for that matter. I walked into the living room with James following close behind. Kendall was sitting at the other end of the couch with the TV on, the volume was really low. My mother was sitting in the chair across the room reading a magazine when she noticed us walking in. She looked to Kendall and said "Kendall, why don't you help me get dinner ready?" He looked up to James and I standing in the entry way to the room. My mother spoke again, "Now please." He got up and when he passed James he said "Congratulations man." And then kept walking. Cooper was still sleeping on the couch. I walked over to him and picked him up. "You don't have to wake him up. I can wait." "Oh no its fine, he should be waking up soon anyway he wont sleep tonight other wise." He squirmed a little but then put his head on my shoulder with his eyes still closed. "Coop, wake up baby, there is someone I want you to meet." I said rubbing his back. James stood next to me staring at Cooper. He looked sad, happy, joyful, angry all at the same time. "Cooper, wake up handsome." He squirmed again and then picked his head up, rubbing his eyes "Mama no." 'No' was a new word Cooper had learned in the last couple of days. He then looked around and his eyes fell to James. I looked back to James and saw tears welling up in his eyes. "Cooper can you say hi to your daddy?" Cooper waved and then began to rub his eyes again. He wasn't all the way awake yet but he was getting there. "Can I hold him?" James asked. I handed Cooper over. Cooper went right to him. He loves people so I knew he would go right to him. James took him and then sat on the couch where Cooper had just been laying. He sat him on his lap and was just staring at him. Cooper touched his face, "Dada" "Yes Dada, that's me." And then I saw the tears fall from his eyes. James Diamond was crying. Cooper smiled and James smiled back. James looked up to me. "Whats his full name?" "Cooper Allen Diamond." "You gave him my last name?!" I nodded my head and then sat down next to James. Cooper was playing with the buttons on James' shirt. We sat there in silence for what seemed like hours while James and Cooper just stared and smiled at each other. It was at that moment that I knew I should have told him a long time ago about Cooper. I suddenly felt guilty. The look on James' face made me so sad. Not only James' face but also Cooper. There was a year of Coopers life that James missed out on and A year that Cooper missed without his dad. I jumped up from the couch and ran to the bathroom. I felt myself begin to sob silently. God, how could I have done this? I'm such a terrible person. Knock Knock "Katie are you OK?" It was James. "Yeah, I'm fine I'll be out in a minute." A few minutes later I walked back the living room and James was still holding Cooper. I sat down. "Were you crying?" James asked. I looked away. "Katie why are you crying?" He didn't sound concerned he sounded almost annoyed. "I just feel guilty. You have missed out on a year and I feel like a terrible person." Tears began to fall slowly down my face. James continued to play with Cooper. "We can deal with that later. For now Im trying to catch up with my son." He didn't look at me when he said it. The tone in his voice made me feel worse. At least he has met Cooper. Nothing else matters. Right?

Hope you likey likey...


	9. Chapter 9

(A/N) Thank you to everyone for the R&R's. All of it is great to read.

Thank you Jeniizzleoffdachain for the constructive criticism. I'll think about what you said while writing this chapter and future chapters as well.

Chapter 9

I woke to the sound of Cooper laughing. I could hear my mother talking to him from down stairs. She must have come in here and got him while I was sleeping. I laid there for a few minutes before going down to join them. Cooper and I have been here in LA for four days now and it has been great being with my mom and Kendall but soon I would have to get back to Minnesota. I do have a job and a life back there. Cooper needs to get back into routine. James and I really haven't had time to really talk about what was going to happen when I went back home. He has been here everyday since finding out about Cooper but he doesn't really talk to me much while he is here. He just plays with Cooper and talks to Kendal and my mom. Yesterday when he was here with him I left Cooper down stairs while I stayed upstairs. I guess I just kind of want to give them one on one time. We will have to talk about what going to happen though. I want James in Coopers life but I guess I never really thought how this was going to work. I mean maybe James could fly back and forth sometimes and then Cooper and I could do the same. That will get tedious after a while but I guess it's what we will have to do because I sure is hell don't want to live here and raise Cooper in this environment. James CANT move to Minnesota either with work and everything.

I walked into the kitchen to find Cooper "helping" my mom make pancakes. Which really ment that Cooper was playing in flour while my mom made the pancakes. "Tell momma we are making pancakes." My mother said as she watched me enter the kitchen. "Ma." He said reaching for me. "Lets wash those hand first before I pick you up." I said while wiping his hand with a wet paper towel. "There you go. All clean." I picked him up. "Good morning baby." Cooper played with my neck-less while I sat at the table watching my mom. "Is Kendall or James here?" I asked. "No they had stuff to do at the studio but James said that he would be here later. I can't believe how well he is with him." She said pointing to Cooper. "Yeah. Its good." "Whats wrong, you sound sad?" "Not sad im just a little confused I guess..." My mom turned around to face me "...Its just Cooper and I have to get back to Minnesota and I'm not really sure how that is going to work with James here. I want them to be in each others lives ya know but I'm not really sure how that all works." My mom turned the stove off and came to sit with me at the table. I put Cooper on the floor. "Honey, that is something that you and James will have to discuss. I'm not really sure what to tell you other than you two will have to work it out." "Yeah I know. I will but its like he isn't even talking to me at all. When he is here he avoids me like the plague." "Well I'm sure he is still pretty upset with you about the whole thing." "Yeah I know he is but you would think that he would want to ask questions or something. I am the mother of his child, he is going to have to talk to me eventually." "Its gonna take a little time for things to become applicable between the two of you." She went back to the stove and dished out three plates for us.

That evening James came over as promised and as always. As I was taking Cooper up to give him a bath and put him to sleep I told James that after Cooper was down I wanted to talk to him, if he could stay until I was done. After I finished and Cooper was asleep I went down to talk to James. "You want to walk out back with me?" I asked motioning toward the patio doors. "Yeah sure." He stood up and followed me out. I began. "Look, it has been great having you and Cooper spend all this time together and I'm glad that you have finally got to meet him but you have to know that I eventually have to go back home." "Well I figured you would but how is this going to work? That's really far Katie." "I know we have to somehow come up with something, some kind of schedule or plan or something because I don't want you to miss anymore of his life." He looked down then back up to me before he started to speak. "Its amazing to think that four days ago I knew nothing about him and now I can't imagine being away from him for a day let alone a week or a month or longer." "I know, believe me. I just don't know any other way around it ya know? I have to go back and you have to stay here." "Why do you have to go back?" "James because my life is there, I have a job, my grandmother is there. I don't want to leave her and I don't really want to raise Cooper here. It's too much for him and me." "Yeah I know it's just gonna be hard." We both stood there in silence for a little while. "I guess we will have to do what we have to do. I'll fly out there when I can and you fly here when you can with him." "Yeah I guess that's really the only option we have right?" He nodded "So when will you be heading back?" He asked. "Within the next few days. I have to get back to work." "OK So I have few days with Cooper before you guys leave." "Yeah as soon as I know the exact day I'll let you know." "OK" He turned around to walk back into the house. "James..." He turned around "...I want you know that I am truly sorry for all of this, for not telling you about him, for giving you this short amount of time to get to know him and for having to leave. I'm sorry." "It is what it is Katie. Nothing we can do about it now. Whats done is done." With that he walked back into the house. I stood there for a moment. God he hates me. He really hates me. Can I blame him though? I can only imagine what these last four days have been like for him.

The next day I had found a flight. Cooper and I would be leaving in two days. I let James know as soon as I found out. After finding out, he had asked if he could take Cooper out for the day. I told him he didn't have to ask he just had to let me know. I don't know where they went but they were gone all day. When they Came back James was carrying Cooper. "He fell asleep in the car." "OK I'll just take him up and put him to bed, did he nap today." "No." "OK. He'll be out for the night, yeah I'm just gonna put him right in bed." James gave him a kiss on his forehead before handing him to me. I started to walk up the stairs after taking Cooper from James. "Katie, what time is your flight tomorrow?" "Flights at 10 am." "OK ill be here before you guys leave." "OK. Night." "Night." He walked out the door. Tomorrow may not be easy for him. Ugh I feel like shit. I did this. I did it. I can't take it back so I guess I have to deal with it.

(A/N)- Im sorry this chapter is really short but ya know here is another chapter. Hopefully would like to have another up tomorrow. Fingers crossed.


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